you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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