you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
