somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
