i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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