I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
