so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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