I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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