i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
