M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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