All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
