we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
