im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
