grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
