You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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