Apparently you make a good broom.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
