Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Randomize
