6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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