Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
