Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
