I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
