I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
