home. puking in laundry basket.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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