he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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