Small penises have feelings too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
