I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
