Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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