I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
