look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
