I'm lost and stupid without you.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
