SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
