I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
