No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
