I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
