is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
