On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
