"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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