just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
