you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
