This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
