just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
