We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
