I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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