my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
