I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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