just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
