i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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