He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
