No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do herpes really smell.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
