I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
