wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
