I wish I only lived at night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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