mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
